Premature textjaculation

Premature textjaculation is when someone either a) responds to a text too rapidly; b) writes a text message, gets no reply, so texts again; or c) both of the above. Premature textjaculation happens most frequently between midnight and 3am. Premature texjaculators usually send an extra text in the hopes of bating the other person into replying, i.e., throwing something into the mix that they hope their crush can’t resist. For example,

Hey sexy (no response)

I’m lying naked in my bed (no response)

…Thinking about you… (no response)

The premature texjaculator should be aware that there are usually a number of good reasons why the other person is not returning his/her messages, which include but are not limited to the following:

- He/she lost their phone (wishful)

- He/she is having sex with someone else

- Generally disinterested or tired of being dickamatized (in my case)

When you don't get a response and continue to pepper the receiver with texts you are premature textjaculating. A perfect example is what happened to me this weekend. The messages started out as relatively innocuous, giving me regular updates on his activities throughout the day--similar to a news ticker on TV that runs across the bottom of the screen:

Went to the gym (no response)

Eating a "man"which (no response)

Now drinking alone to celebrate my completed home reno project...(no response).

Unfortunately his texts progressed to writing me intimate and tender messages that he would never say in person, for example:

You're hot, smart and remarkably successful for a young gal, don't ever forget that. Seriously. (no response).

What am I supposed to do? I thought that not responding would be a sure sign that I was uninterested in him as a friend or lover, however it only made things worse. I’m worried if I respond I will be giving him the wrong idea—that I want him to continue harassing me with his written word.