The fine art of diaper changing

When people have babies they complain, "my husband never changes her diaper, it's always me and it sucks." Now imagine a baby that weighs up to 300 pounds and you'll know why nurses complain about their job so much. You can't just lift up a patient's legs, crack open a package of baby wipes, gently clean their butt from front to back, throw on a mini diaper and do up a onesie--no way, changing a full grown adult's diaper is very complex.

Let me provide you with some context:

Patients lie on a fitted bed sheet that has a "soaker pad" on top of it. A soaker pad is a rectangular thick pad that is waterproof on the bottom and therefore acts as extra protection if a patient has an accident. It's approximately the size of two pillowcases placed side by side. The goal of using a soaker pad is that if it gets wet, it's easier to change than a fitter sheet under a 300 pound patient who can't move themselves. It's like the underwear of bed linens--you'd rather change your underwear everyday than mess up your pants after one wear. right?!

Anyway, the soaker pad also works as a tool for changing patients and moving them around in their beds. Person A stands on one side while Person B stands on the other side of the patient's bed. Nurse A uses all her strength to hold the soaker pad and push the patient onto his side while person B grabs the soaker pad and pulls the patient onto his side. The unlucky nurse A is facing the patient's backside and is therefore responsible for most of the dirty work as person B holds the patient in place on his side.

A undoes the large blue diaper, pulls it down to expose the mess, and uses a few moistened face cloths or larger towels to clean the patient while they are on their side. The job is far from over at this point. Next, A applies a variety of ointments to the peri-anal area to avoid skin break down and bed-sores. A glove change is in order and A rushes to change her gloves as B continues to hold the patient in place.

The patient is then rolled on the other side. Person B cleans anything that was missed and removes the rest of the diaper. At this point a clean diaper is positioned so that the sticky tabs are on the diaper side closest to the patient's head halfway down the patient's back. The patient is rolled yet again onto their back, the front of the diaper is threaded through the patient's legs, they're rolled again onto their side to grab the other half of the diaper which is then fastened to the front with a sticky tab. The patient is then rolled again onto his back, both sides of the soaker pad are grabbed by A and B, and the patient is pulled up in bed so that his head is almost touching the bed board.

By the end of the job both people are exhausted, holding their lower backs and the patient is disgruntled and upset by all the rolling he has had to do. Just when you think it can't get any worse your patient looks up at you and says, "sorry nurse, I think I went again," and at the same time you get an overhead page sending you to another room to give a sponge bath.