When patients need constant care (i.e. someone to watch them at every minute of the day) someone is hired to come in and sit at the patient's bedside and literally watch them and help them if they need it.
At the end of the shift, the constant is required to fill out a report on the patient. The below document is what I found when I started my shift this morning.
Patient: Bruce Wayne
Constant: Johnny Lee
Room:
Date: 07/20/2029
Number of attempts to get out of bed without assistance:
All night dammit! Patient was like "I'm Batman BITCH--I run shit!"
Reasons why:
No idea what his problem was...He was so angry and he kept telling me he'd pee in a cup and throw it at me.
Number of attempts to get out of chair unassisted:
Patient is crazy! He's so tempered and he threw a bag at my head. He claimed I was a villain and he felt I had to be punished.
Did the patient show signs of agitation?
uh...fuck yes!!! He masturbated and while doing so he was yelling and swearing
What did they include?
He said, "Fuck yeah! Donkey punch me now bitch--I'm Russell Oliver..OH YEAH."
Was the patient easy to redirect/calm?
Not really... I said to "keep it down" and he was like "do you have crack now?"
What interventions worked with the patient?
Nothing... Patient is absolutely nuts...He would show me his penis and say I was gay for looking. The only thing I can think of is when he'd eat. He was calm then.
Additional comments:
Patient is crazy. He would always swear and threaten me.
This was obviously a venting fictitious report; however, I did find it amusing. No one ever knew who wrote up the report but we all got a good laugh at it. Although this patient never existed we have definitely had patients very similar the above report.
There is a photocopy up in the nursing station with big writing at the top: How not to fill out a constant care form.
At the end of the shift, the constant is required to fill out a report on the patient. The below document is what I found when I started my shift this morning.
Patient: Bruce Wayne
Constant: Johnny Lee
Room:
Date: 07/20/2029
Number of attempts to get out of bed without assistance:
All night dammit! Patient was like "I'm Batman BITCH--I run shit!"
Reasons why:
No idea what his problem was...He was so angry and he kept telling me he'd pee in a cup and throw it at me.
Number of attempts to get out of chair unassisted:
Patient is crazy! He's so tempered and he threw a bag at my head. He claimed I was a villain and he felt I had to be punished.
Did the patient show signs of agitation?
uh...fuck yes!!! He masturbated and while doing so he was yelling and swearing
What did they include?
He said, "Fuck yeah! Donkey punch me now bitch--I'm Russell Oliver..OH YEAH."
Was the patient easy to redirect/calm?
Not really... I said to "keep it down" and he was like "do you have crack now?"
What interventions worked with the patient?
Nothing... Patient is absolutely nuts...He would show me his penis and say I was gay for looking. The only thing I can think of is when he'd eat. He was calm then.
Additional comments:
Patient is crazy. He would always swear and threaten me.
This was obviously a venting fictitious report; however, I did find it amusing. No one ever knew who wrote up the report but we all got a good laugh at it. Although this patient never existed we have definitely had patients very similar the above report.
There is a photocopy up in the nursing station with big writing at the top: How not to fill out a constant care form.
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