Best New Hobby: Getting in the local news papers

So far we've made it into two news papers: The Globe and Mail for Prom at the ROM and Snap for the AGO Massive Party

It all started when Mark said he wanted to take me to The Prom at The ROM. I was hesitant as I had to work the next day and like Cinderella, would have to leave the ball before midnight. He was fine with it. I showed up at his house in my nursing scrubs, hair a mess, and winding down from a hectic day on the cardiology unit. I had with me my floor length black gown shoved at the bottom of my gym bag. I was less than enthusiastic about a night out on the town but when I saw what he had bought me I was ecstatic!

Mark had bought me a tiara, lace gloves (without the finger tips), and a chunky pearl necklace--because it was a prom party. We could hardly get a drink without being snapped at. The photographers loved my costume and although we were only at the party for 1.5 hours, I think Mark and I were photographed +20 times.

Since Prom at The ROM Mark and I have developed a new hobby-- So far we've made it into two magazines but look forward to dressing up for more.

Allen Gardens--Really beautiful

I went to Allen Gardens for the first time last weekend and it was beautiful! Check out the orchids (and the secret garden shed just behind them--good make out spot).

Favorite Sunday activity: beers and tea with my little Russian friend at The Quail

To be completed each shift--Thank you

When patients need constant care (i.e. someone to watch them at every minute of the day) someone is hired to come in and sit at the patient's bedside and literally watch them and help them if they need it.

At the end of the shift, the constant is required to fill out a report on the patient. The below document is what I found when I started my shift this morning.

Patient: Bruce Wayne
Constant: Johnny Lee
Room:
Date: 07/20/2029

Number of attempts to get out of bed without assistance:
All night dammit! Patient was like "I'm Batman BITCH--I run shit!"

Reasons why:
No idea what his problem was...He was so angry and he kept telling me he'd pee in a cup and throw it at me.

Number of attempts to get out of chair unassisted:
Patient is crazy! He's so tempered and he threw a bag at my head. He claimed I was a villain and he felt I had to be punished.

Did the patient show signs of agitation?
uh...fuck yes!!! He masturbated and while doing so he was yelling and swearing

What did they include?
He said, "Fuck yeah! Donkey punch me now bitch--I'm Russell Oliver..OH YEAH."

Was the patient easy to redirect/calm?
Not really... I said to "keep it down" and he was like "do you have crack now?"

What interventions worked with the patient?
Nothing... Patient is absolutely nuts...He would show me his penis and say I was gay for looking. The only thing I can think of is when he'd eat. He was calm then.

Additional comments:
Patient is crazy. He would always swear and threaten me.

This was obviously a venting fictitious report; however, I did find it amusing. No one ever knew who wrote up the report but we all got a good laugh at it. Although this patient never existed we have definitely had patients very similar the above report.

There is a photocopy up in the nursing station with big writing at the top: How not to fill out a constant care form.

An email from my friend titled: The Silver Lining of Diarrhea

Some thoughts on this subject:

Some people may consider irritable bowel or other such lower G.I problems to be a burden, however, I have the unique ability to see the positive in all situations. Even when I am sweating and keeping a steady walk/run pace as I race to the closest bathroom, I still feel an underlying pang of glee as my last meal (OMG soup from the Vietnamese place nearby) is quickly cycling through my system like a tornado peels through Oklahoma state. It adds a certain "je ne sais quoi" to the daily grind. Sort of like gambling, but the worst you could be down would be a good pair of knickers:) I revel at the element of surprise and take advantage of those next few hours, as I lie helplessly on my heated bathroom floor, to truly reflect on the silver lining of diarrhea. Knowing full well that it was a risk to wear leggings and white long shirt to my last meal. And that it would be a total waste of a good skirt to wear my new cute white tennis skirt to my tennis lesson that evening. The biggest upside being that I will lose my appetite for likely the next 24 hours and limit my intake to air and water and that I will awaken the next day feeling cleansed and maybe even 5 lbs lighter. This my friends, is the silver lining of diarrhea. Eat your heart out spicy Vietnamese soup, truffle oil, half and half cream - you are no threat to me:)

check this out--breakthrough diet

http://www.weeklyhealthnewscanada.com/latest/articles/breakthroughdiet/vc/ca/

I love texting

10 Things Remember When Texting

1) Do NOT send a picture of your naked body (any part of it).

2) DO match the time set by the second texter--They ultimately set the pace.

3) Remember to use “…” when trying to convey a suggestive tone in your message.

4) DON’T get your emoticons mixed up.

5) When sending sexual textuals remember not to turn it into phone sex. Things just get awkward after the false sense of intimacy that texting provides (Just saying)

6) Do NOT give information that wasn’t asked (do not send your entire schedule for the week hoping they’ll bite).

7) ONLY drunk text your sure bet a.k.a. option Z.

8) DO be efficient by using things like: WTF, OMG, LOL, LMAO, TTYL, GTG etc.

9) An exclamation mark used inappropriately can look aggressive.

10) Double and triple check that you are sending your sexy message to the right person.

Dad doesn’t want to get a message meant for Dan. Seriously trust me on this one.

The fine art of diaper changing

When people have babies they complain, "my husband never changes her diaper, it's always me and it sucks." Now imagine a baby that weighs up to 300 pounds and you'll know why nurses complain about their job so much. You can't just lift up a patient's legs, crack open a package of baby wipes, gently clean their butt from front to back, throw on a mini diaper and do up a onesie--no way, changing a full grown adult's diaper is very complex.

Let me provide you with some context:

Patients lie on a fitted bed sheet that has a "soaker pad" on top of it. A soaker pad is a rectangular thick pad that is waterproof on the bottom and therefore acts as extra protection if a patient has an accident. It's approximately the size of two pillowcases placed side by side. The goal of using a soaker pad is that if it gets wet, it's easier to change than a fitter sheet under a 300 pound patient who can't move themselves. It's like the underwear of bed linens--you'd rather change your underwear everyday than mess up your pants after one wear. right?!

Anyway, the soaker pad also works as a tool for changing patients and moving them around in their beds. Person A stands on one side while Person B stands on the other side of the patient's bed. Nurse A uses all her strength to hold the soaker pad and push the patient onto his side while person B grabs the soaker pad and pulls the patient onto his side. The unlucky nurse A is facing the patient's backside and is therefore responsible for most of the dirty work as person B holds the patient in place on his side.

A undoes the large blue diaper, pulls it down to expose the mess, and uses a few moistened face cloths or larger towels to clean the patient while they are on their side. The job is far from over at this point. Next, A applies a variety of ointments to the peri-anal area to avoid skin break down and bed-sores. A glove change is in order and A rushes to change her gloves as B continues to hold the patient in place.

The patient is then rolled on the other side. Person B cleans anything that was missed and removes the rest of the diaper. At this point a clean diaper is positioned so that the sticky tabs are on the diaper side closest to the patient's head halfway down the patient's back. The patient is rolled yet again onto their back, the front of the diaper is threaded through the patient's legs, they're rolled again onto their side to grab the other half of the diaper which is then fastened to the front with a sticky tab. The patient is then rolled again onto his back, both sides of the soaker pad are grabbed by A and B, and the patient is pulled up in bed so that his head is almost touching the bed board.

By the end of the job both people are exhausted, holding their lower backs and the patient is disgruntled and upset by all the rolling he has had to do. Just when you think it can't get any worse your patient looks up at you and says, "sorry nurse, I think I went again," and at the same time you get an overhead page sending you to another room to give a sponge bath.

The Long-distance relationship

Nursing makes you appreciate your mortality and value the time you have. Wasting one moment of your life seems silly when you see so many people suffering from a variety of illnesses. Two years into my program I was inspired to end a relationship that was making me unhappy.

For approximately 1 year, or half way through my longest long distance relationship ever, I wanted out. Everyone wants what they can’t have right? Well perhaps it doesn’t take the majority a total of 12 months to say something as simple as, ITS OVER. It all ended with a fateful conversation where many f bombs were dropped culminating in a cheesy line like: “I just don’t think we bring out the best in each other anymore.” As I pressed the little red phone icon on my blackberry I breathed a sigh of relief. A huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders… Or had it?

The breakup between my panprovincial, long-term boyfriend and I was probably the highlight of my early twenties. The following day--which most respectable young women would spend mourning the loss of their torrid love affair—I ventured to a friend’s birthday party. Not just any friend, but an acquaintance friend. And we all know what that means— the potential to meet new people, more importantly, new men. That night I met what would be the first in a series of exhilarating and very short-term relationships…

For someone who was finally breaking free from an addiction to serial monogamy I had a lot to learn. The first “relationship” after a breakup, better known as the rebound, can take many forms. For me it took the shape of a charming environmentalist with a Quebecois accent serenading me with an acoustic version of Tom Wait’s Ice Cream Man. There I was at my acquaintance’s birthday party, standing in the kitchen, drinking punch from a measuring cup (classy) and giggled, so unaware of what lay ahead for me.

Introduction

I always thought I would go into advertising, own my own business, or invent something that would make me millions. This is why I was equally as surprised as my family was when I announced that I was enrolling at McGill University, Montreal Canada, for an applied master of science in NURSING.

I'm the type of person who hates it when people fart around me. I get salty cheeks and leave the room angry. Whenever I start dating someone new I make it clear on the first date that I don't consider passing gas around another person to be pleasurable, funny or a bonding experience indicative of intimacy in a relationship.

Furthermore, I hate the sight of blood. I passed out twice in high school while watching a video on red blood cells traveling through capillaries and larger blood vessels. So, when I told my boyfriend at the time that I was moving back to Montreal to study nursing he practically spit his diet coke out and all over me--not the reaction I was expecting.

Becoming a nurse had never crossed my mind. When I enrolled I told myself that I would get past the clinical placements by avoiding diapers and blood and when I finished I would work as a nurse researcher or open up my own retirement home. You'd sooner catch me dead than put in a foley catheter (a tube into the urethra) or do a wound dressing change-- all things I hadn't fully walked myself through when I signed up for the program.

My father is a dentist and he had always hoped I'd take over his practice. However, the one summer I worked with him during high school, I almost fainted and had to leave the room during a wisdom tooth removal. That was the end of mine and my fathers dream of me becoming a dentist.

The irony is, I now make a fraction of what a dentist makes and I've been unfortunate enough to clean up massive blood spills from IVs being torn out, and patient's with stomach bleeds vomiting up "coffee ground emesis" -- digested blood. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my decision for one moment. What I'm saying is that I've changed. I now enjoy all the aspects of nursing I thought I'd hate and I work as a nurse in Cardiology at a large teaching hospital downtown Toronto.

The following blog will take you through some of my adventures as a nurse, as a twenties something girl, and as a newbie to Toronto--Enjoy!